Goals, Rewards, and Progress

I have lots of thoughts swirling `round in my brain.  I find myself composing blog posts in my head as I'm walking after work.  Somehow, the road between composing blog posts in my head and actually writing them out is somewhat distracting.  Two weeks left until summer and every day is jam packed full of things that MUST! BE! DONE! RIGHT! NOW!

I'm already composing summer to-do lists.  It's going to be a very busy summer.  I'm this summer will be completely different from last summer.  Last summer was all about recovering, charting every morsel of food and ounce of liquids that crossed my lips, and feeling better.  Don't get me wrong, I'm still tracking my food.  It helps me set some boundaries for myself.  SS and I...well, more I than SS have already started a list of things to do this summer when we simply must get out of the house.  There are lots of activities I want to try, places I want to visit, and traveling to be done this summer.  I'm optimistic about the active and healthy lifestyle I'm dreaming of living.  SS and I are planning to "go back to basics" where it comes to food and eating.  I'm actually looking forward to cooking this summer.  We'll see how that actually pans out.

I've also realized that I need to have some weight loss rewards.  We used to go out to dinner whenever we were celebrating.  That's all still well and good, but I want to break that habit.  No more using food as a reward.  Food is food.  I'm not against savoring it, but it will not rule my life or my thoughts.  As it stands right now, I've lost 153 pounds and 113 pounds since my surgery.  Here are the rewards I've come up with.

160 pounds lost - Super Cool water bottle
170 pounds lost - Super Cool Bento Box
180 pounds lost - Heart Rate Monitor
190 pounds lost - New book for the Kindle
200 pounds lost - Wii Fit and Balance Board
210 pounds lost - Mini Donut Pan
220 pounds lost - Something new for the house
230 pounds lost - New family portraits of SS and I
Goal weight  - Vacation, somewhere/something big.  Not necessarily Disney (though it's not out of the question), but somewhere fun.  Vegas? California?  Hawaii?  Spain?  At my goal weight, I'm more willing to actually fly in an airplane somewhere.

One year ago today, I had my last meeting with my surgeon before my surgery.  I was looking at the print out I received that day.  One  year ago, I weighed 127 pounds more than I weigh now.  I've lost an entire person.  It's hard to believe sometimes.  Some days I barely recognize the person I used to be.  Other days, I worry that I'll never make my goal or that 150 pounds is it.  Sure, I've lost 150, but I still have another 100 to go, minimum.  People who know me know how much I've changed.  But to people I've never met...I'm still fat.  Someday that won't be an issue, but some days the self consciousness sneaks in.  For example, I'm seriously considering attempting the Couch to 5K program, but one thing holding me back is people seeing me running and judging me.  I know I need to get over that, but 30 years of programming is hard to undo.  That and the fact that running just to run doesn't make sense to me.  Hello, you run if someone is chasing you.  Running is not "fun."


Finally, SS's job prospects are improving.  He's already accepted his on-the-way-to-his-dream "job" (the huge time requirement, low pay kind of dream job), but he's still going to need something else.  He has several options both with significant pros and cons for us to weigh.  We're hoping to have everything on the job front settled soon.  That should help decrease both of our stress and anxieties.