18 Months

Yesterday was my 18 month post-op appointment with my surgeon.  It seems I might be too hard on myself.  I haven't lost what I think I should have lost.  My surgeon, however, is beyond thrilled and SS is right (I promised him I'd write that).  I never worry that he'll chastise me for my efforts, but I do worry he'll be disappointed.  I can't say enough about how important it is to find the right surgeon.  My doctors have made all the difference in my life after surgery.  Their support (including phone calls at 11 o'clock at night because I'm having a little meltdown) has empowered my to change my life.  He also appreciated my fertility clinic story.  When I told him the doctor told me I needed to lose weight "rapidly" his response was, "You've got to be kidding me!"  He agreed I should not return.  

Love this man.  He's amazing.

Just for fun, I thought we should revisit my monthly breakdown list.  The last one I did is here.

Elapsed Time: As of December 7th, I am 18 months post-op.  Wow.  I never thought I'd get here.

Scale Reading: Officially 186 pounds down from my highest weight, 146 down from my day of surgery weight.

State of Mind: Better!  Between my doctor and SS, I'm beginning to realize I'm being too hard on myself.  It doesn't stop me from being hard on myself, but I'm realizing it.  It's a step.

Food: It's Christmas.  I. am. screwed.  My goal is to get through the rest of December without gaining.  I don't have to lose weight, but I need to continue making healthy choices so I can maintain all the hard work I've done so far.

Cravings: I want a cookie.  Constantly.  I'm doing pretty well at dealing with my baking urges by making some cookies and then giving them all away before I can eat too many.  I satisfy my domestic urges and the remnants aren't around to derail me completely.

Cooking:  We've been traveling so much lately that I haven't been cooking much.  I miss cooking.  I do not miss dishes.  By the by, the Apple Herb Roast Chicken from Cracker Barrel is amazeballs!

Protein Shakes:  Still enjoy them (never thought I'd say that).  I have one for breakfast every morning.  SS makes me one.  He's getting to be a pretty good mix-master.  There was one coffee, sugar free coconut syrup debacle that we don't talk about.

Head Games: Like I said before, I'm beginning to realize that I'm being too hard on myself.  I'm going to try to change it.  Not sure if I want to though.  How will I do better if I'm not hard on myself?  Also, I have to work on the anxiety I experience when I eat more than 1,200 calories.  I panic internally when that number gets close to 1,200.  According to my surgeon (and SS, in all fairness), 1,200 is the minimum number of calories I can eat in a day.  If I'm eating less than that (which I am), then my body is in starvation mode and it's no wonder I'm not losing weight.  My body needs over 1,900 calories, my new goal is 1,400.  I'm going to work on getting closer to that.

Exercise: Last week, I started doing crunches and push-ups.  The crunches hurt.  I started with 100, but now I try to do 10 more each night.  I'm up to 150.  The push-ups are harder.  I've never been able to do a push-up.  I started doing 20 each night, now I'm up to 50.  They're girly push-ups, but they count!

Clothes:  I love clothes!  My mother-in-law was nice enough to give me my Christmas gifts early.  New clothes!  I've been getting lots of compliments on them, which is nice.  Everyone is noticing how much weight I've lost too.  It's amazing what happens when you wear clothes that fit!

Frustrations:  Slow weight loss is frustrating.  Cravings for unhealthy things are frustrating.  Constant travel which results in the inability to cook is frustrating.

Previous Goals Update:  

•  Find my positive attitude.  Some days are better than others.

New Goals:  

• Manage anger. I've noticed (and SS has noticed) that I go from 0 to pissed at the drop of a hat.  That is NOT me or my personality.  I need to work on figuring out why and finding a better way to deal with it.

Upcoming Events:  

• Christmas and Christmas traveling
• Seeing Twin and Mini Twin - hooray, she's getting so big!
• A nice break from work...greatly needed
• Swindling...er...convincing SS to paint the bathroom over winter break.  Love you, honey!