Checking In

Yesterday was another doctor's appointment.  I've pretty much decided if we do this again, I don't think we'll use the same practice.  It's not that it's been a bad experience, I just don't feel like they "get" me.  My surgeon "gets" me.  My primary care physician "gets" me.  (Basically, "getting" me means that you realize I'm a bit neurotic, you embrace/accept my neuroticness, and you know how to essentially "talk me down."  I don't think I'm asking too much.  SS does it on a daily basis.)

Verdict:  Wombat is doing great, but me gaining 9 pounds, by my scale and 12 pounds, by their scale in 3 weeks is not so great.  Blood pressure was high (see #4 below) and blood sugar levels were GREAT.

Okay, here's my rationalizations...

#1 - My appointment before yesterday was at 8:30 in the morning.  I hadn't eaten anything or had anything to drink.  It's the lowest I was going to weigh all day.

#2 - Yesterday's appointment was at 4 o'clock in the afternoon.  I had no choice but to eat and drink before my appointment.  (The Wombat gets angry when he is denied food for extended periods of time.)

#3 - At the appointment before yesterday, I had only gained a pound.  I was due for a larger number.

#4 - My blood pressure was high because I knew I'd gained at least 10 pounds and I was worried about being reprimanded/"talked to" about it.  Plus, we had to play beat the clock to get there after school and I had to pee......again!

#5 - My blood sugar levels were delightful.  As a Type II diabetic in remission, seeing a fasting blood sugar level in the 60s is astounding.  (I used to hope for the 130s)

My frustration is this...for the last 3 weeks, I've watched my food like a hawk.  I was doing the blood glucose testing (because the glucola test, you know where you drink the super sweet kool-aid stuff, was just an absolute no).  So I tested my blood sugar four to five times a day.  Once when I woke up (fasting) and then two hours after eating.  Considering I eat at least four times a day, that's a lot of finger pricks.  My poor fingers.

But anyway, testing my blood.  I didn't not eat things I "shouldn't," but I tracked everything I ate, stayed under or very close to my 1,700 calories a day, avoided processed carbs, and drank all my water.  People, I was on my best behavior.  AND I STILL GAINED 10+ POUNDS!

It's enough to send my little weight loss surgery self right off a cliff!  I feel like I have no control.   NONE!  Before Wombat, hereafter referred to BW, I could control my weight.  If I gained a pound, I got my food in check and it went back down.  If I wanted to lose weight, I exercised.  Now?  I can do everything right and it doesn't do a damn bit of good.  It turns me into a hormonal, neurotic mess.

I've made my peace with gaining weight, but I don't want to gain too much and undo all the work I've done in the past two and half years.  I can feel myself slipping back into pre-surgery bad habits and it scares the heck out of me.  I desperately want to crack down on my food choices...can I safely cut out all my carbs (except fruit carbs) again and not hurt the Wombat?

The one consistent craving I've had is cookies.  The Wombat will work for cookies.  He's never met a cookie he didn't like.  Coincidentally, neither have I.  My plan for my last trimester (eek, when did THAT happen!?), is to cut out the cookies again.  Cookies are not our friend.  Repeat with me Wombat, cookies are not our friend!  (I'm so going to get kicked for that later.)

Don't tell her, but my mother is right.  I need to call my surgeon and ask for his advice.  He has faith in me that I don't have.  I've told you, he's an amazing man.  Of course, that involves a phone call.  I'm working up to it...

Meanwhile, check back soon for a 32 Before 32 update/recap.  Prepare to be disappointed!